Couple Interview

Couple Interview

A young thirties couple who has been in a homosexual relationship for the past 13 years was interviewed regarding their meeting, falling in love, cohabitation and occasional mutual and shared relational openness with other people. The pseudonyms used for this couple will be Adam and Perry, and Sean will be mentioned in as a one time third in this relationship. The interview took place outdoors at a local festival, separated from the rest of the crowd.

Both members of the couple were obviously comfortable talking about their history. It was clear, though, that Adam was the leader in this relationship. Though he worked to give Paul equal time with every question, Adam would answer questions without pausing for Paul’s approval of what he was saying. He also would not look at Paul to garner cues about his acceptance of his answers. Paul, on the other hand, would show his submissive position by looking to Adam for permission to answer questions, and he would also look to him throughout his answers for approval of what he was saying. Interestingly, though, Paul and Adam seemed to agree upon and understand what the other was going to say without private conversation. They both knew the same story and agreed on its details; confirming this agreement involved nothing more than a look into the other’s eyes.

Another clue of their closeness was the constant close proximity they held to each other. The couple stood slightly turned towards each other and would often touch each other on the shoulder or back when laughing after answering questions. Also, though Adam quietly controlled who answered each question or who spoke first, he did give Paul equal time with each question and allowed Paul to give the initial answer for approximately half the questions. There were no noted disagreements about any question asked.

Adam and Paul’s relationship is obviously complementary. They each know their position and agree on the natural hierarchy of their relationship. Interestingly, occasionally in their history, they have invited a third to share their lives with them. From their tails, the third would help in creating a unique, yet equal triad. Sean was one of these thirds. Sean was accepted as an equal in the relationship and neither member of the couple considered him an outsider while he was with them. They both spoke of Sean as one who made up a third of their wholeness. Although Sean was no longer a part of the couple’s lives, he shared everything with them, including bills, bed, and everyday activities. The story of Sean told by both Adam and Paul highlights their trust in each other and their security with each other in the relationship.

Though there were clues to who was the more dominant of the couple, it was clear that the couple felt strong ties to each other. There would probably not be many, but it would be interesting to see if more dissatisfactions would be brought up in private interviews.

Filed under: EDC 635 Marriage and Family Counseling
Copyright: June, 2002 - David Profitt