Personal Change Process: Section 1B, Interpersonal Assessment

Assignment: Choose one or more area you have rated as “an area I need to work on" as a focus for your personal change process. Determine whether your focus areas are direct, indirect, or no control problems. Articulate you choices and explain your reasoning based on your response from Section 1 in a 1-3 page paper.

David Profitt
EDC 510
Self Assessment, 1B
Personal Change Process

With the exception of Habit 7, the choices for this assignment focus almost exclusively on family. This is unique for me in that I am not the head of any family, but am instead the eldest of two sons in a family of four. Covey’s focus with these questions would be for fathers and mothers interacting with their entire family (spouse, children, parents and siblings), as that is the paradigm from which he wrote. For me, only the last two of those relations are applicable. I am the son of a couple who have held together through thick and thin for about 35 years, and I am the brother of one who is nearly 10 years my junior, and who has not lived in the same city as me for over 13 years. The questions for habit 7, Sharpen the Saw, are more internal, as they typically do not involve the family. I could take the easy path and only explore the areas not touching on family, but as this is supposed to be a process of personal change, I believe that would be a disservice to myself. So, having said all that, I will focus on the following areas as needing the most improvement.

1. I focus on noticing more of the positive things that happen in my family rather than dwell on the occasional negative.
2. I assume family members are doing the best they know how.
3. I treat each person’s interest with respect.
4. I renew myself physically by getting appropriate rest, regular exercise, and a balanced diet.
5. I renew myself spiritually by making a place for wonder and beauty in my life.

Before continuing, I feel it would be best to combine the first three into a single statement concerning my father. This statement will be written as a statement of the ideal:

• I recognize that my father has unique interests and points of view, has exceptional strengths which can outshine his weaknesses, and has always done the best he knows how to do.

As for the last two areas from the list, I would like to combine them into a single goal statement as well:

• I will work to put first in my life a balance of attending to my Spiritual, physical, and emotional needs in order to better my ability to be a help to others in my day to day life.

One of the questions we are supposed to answer is whether these areas are direct, indirect, or no control problems. As is evident from my phrasing of the two statements, I view these areas to be in my direct control. Obviously, we can not change others, but we can change the way we choose to view other people. For the proactive person, there is always some aspect of a problem which is in his or her direct control. At a minimum, this can be simply deciding to change how some negative event or aspect of someone else affects oneself.

Both of my statements are positive affirmations, focusing on the goal of what should be. In the case of my father, there has been much improvement over the past several years, but as with most goals in life, there is still improvement to be made. It is no secret that my father and I are two very different people. As a child, our family was considerably poor when compared to our neighbors, and I always promised myself I would not follow the same path. Additionally, there were a couple of incidents which occurred in the family because of my father. Though there is no need to go into the details here, it is fair to say that permanent damage was done in our relationship. Even today, as I fight to have a positive connection, there continues to be happenings I wish I did not know about, and because I do, they sometimes stand as mountains blocking the view of what I believe should be.

My father does have genuine positive qualities. He is always willing to help anyone less fortunate than himself, and when I was younger, would often do this in befriending poor and homeless people. Having grown older, I now respect these qualities of my father. When focusing on the good, I can say that he doesn’t insult anyone, refrains from anger, is kind, always attempts to be honest to his word, and as much as he can, will always be there when I need a favor. In reality, this is more than many people have.

The negatives of my father are big. They are the type of negatives which could involve bankruptcy lawyers or the criminal justice system, but they are not the ruling factors of his day to day life. They are not the totality of who he is, and most importantly, since there is nothing I can do to change those areas, they are not the areas I need to focus on. It is my daily goal to look past them, and find the man within whom I can admire.

As for the more internal affirmation, I need to better care for myself, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Caring for one’s inner self and caring for one’s physical body are two of the most important pieces in the puzzle of life, yet for many they are often the two pieces which are lost or misplaced. It is far too easy to get caught up in the daily grind and ignore these ever so important areas. However, to ignore these requirements guarantees future weakness and reduced effectiveness in this world. To be strong for others in their time of need, you need to first be strong yourself. If you are not, then the weight of others’ problems will overburden you and pull you down with them.

The trick is keeping the three in balance. I can get on an “eat right and exercise fad” but with that focus, it’s easy to ignore the spiritual or emotional. I find that when I take excessive time to spend with friends, feeding my emotional needs, I will ignore my spiritual side, slowly becoming useless in helping others as I become drained of inner strength. Conversely, those who spend all their time focusing on the spiritual are likely to become “too heavenly minded to be of any earthly good.”

For me, the physical tends to be the most commonly ignored. I have my phases, but for the most part, my body is denied its needs. Having had a large portion of my back removed slightly over two years ago, the need for regular exercise is particularly important. I know it is imperative, but this awareness doesn’t generate action, and it is only action which produces results. I can preach the importance of exercise. I can lay out an exercise plan and schedule. However, it is the daily decision to do that which becomes cumbersome.

These are my fights. Whether family, friends, some aspect of society, or completely internal, everyone has battles which seem to constantly need attention. It is in these battles that the warrior is made. When writing about my centers, I spoke of the pendulum which affects every area of our lives. Swinging one way, our internal pendulum fights for us, reveling in our strengths. Swinging another, it appears to fight against us, revealing our weaknesses. It is in these moments where we can see the truth of what is within us. It is in these moments when we realize the need for further change.

Filed under: EDC 510-511 Consultation in Schools and Practicum
Copyright: October, 2003 - David Profitt